The one regret I have

From as long as I can remember I had always been on top of the class, always the geek and always the teachers pet. I always ranked 1^st or 2^nd in class, and thought that was my unchanging reality, until one day it all changed. I changed my 7^th school in 9^th standard, but this time something more than just the school changed, my reality changed.

From being the centre of all attention I became invisible to everyone in my new school. I was struggling in my new environment – new classmates, new teachers and a new format of examination and instructions. In the midst of all this came the first unit test result – disappointing to say the least. I felt like someone had pushed me off a plane with no parachute and no safety harnesses, like I was free falling in the middle of no where, gripped in fear and pain, not knowing what had happened or what would happen.

It was just the start of the domino effect of one failure, one disappointment in my life.

From being the girl on the first bench with her hand perpetually raised I became a notorious backbencher, constantly looking for a corner to hide myself in. From being the envy of all others I became envious of just everyone around me. I wished I could be like the one’s with the great scores, like the ones with the great hair and skin, like the one’s who spoke well or the ones who read a lot and vain as it may sound and as embarrassing as it is to accept but I would have been happy to even just have been the one with a handsome boyfriend.

The ripple effect of my one failure could be seen in my life for years to come. I had lost all my self confidence, it felt like someone had scooped out every ounce of it from me leaving me hollow. One small disappointment, over the years, snowballed into such a big problem that I started underestimating myself and started making peace with just being average.

Sometimes you need a big jolt in life to actually see reality. My jolt came when I gave CAT (along with my final year engineering exams) and scored just a 50 percentile.

I was shocked and broken but this time I tried a different approach, I said to myself “that’s it, I am better than this and I am going to prove it to myself.” I gave CAT again and this time I scored a 96 percentile. However, I still feel that if I had not stopped believing in myself, I could have studied at the IIM’s or even Wharton.

I am writing this for my young friends – Aditi, Neel, Mihir, Vedant, Purva, Meeti, Anvi, Rutav, Manan,Smit, Simran, Niraj, Milli, Avni, Juhi and Rahul. I am writing this because I want you to know that there is no life without failures, infact the most successful people have all had to deal with tragedies and failures of unfathomable proportions. True victors are those who can rise up stronger after every fall. True victors are those who use failure as a stepping stone to success.

My biggest and only regret in life is that I let failure get the better of me and that stopped me from doing justice to my potential. I hope you will not make the same mistake as me, I hope you will live a life free of regrets.

True victory is not “always winning”, true victory is “never losing”.

A wedding and 3 proposals (Anu, Adi and Manikketh)

A few days back I open my mail box to find an invitation. Although it was in a language not known to me, I am a smart girl and I recognise a wedding invitation when I see one. My friend Kirti was getting married- when, where and to whom I could not figure out and that wasn’t the important thing.
A friends wedding is always an event of absolute unalloyed fun which inevitably becomes a walk down memory lane. To me a wedding means old friends catching up over nights of long drawn and elaborate feasting and festivities. It means a heady assortment of fabulous people dressed in gorgeous clothes meeting against the backdrop of colourful flowers, bright lights, soothing music and a sumptuously delicious spread of exotic food. Ah! there is nothing better than a friends wedding.
Kirti’s wedding was just as perfect and I felt honoured to part of the ceremony which symbolised my friend – the bride taking her first step into a new world. Kirti looked like a golden goddess in the yellow saree and the rest of the gang looked great too. So much has changed since our days in engineering college and yet each time we get together it feels like nothing has changed.
I still remember our first valentines day in college which also happened to be saree and rose day, what irony because ours was a girl’s college. However there were a lot of guys hovering around our college no different from any other girl’s college. What fun we had observing nervous glances being exchanged across canteen tables and hesitant guys pacing up and down corridors with a rose in their hand.
I also remember this just out of college professor called Neel. He did not just make the subject of Electrical Engineering very interesting but he also single-handedly made life on our campus very exciting. His arrival on campus would stir up unusual activity, you could suddenly spot a lot of girls walking past the Electrical lab trying their best to peep inside while not making it that obvious. Somehow everyone had a lot of doubts in his subject, leading to doubt clearing sessions. These sessions would typically involve Neel talking passionately about electromagnetic waves and other things from the electrical world while the class would be dreamily gazing at him lost in a different world.
I don’t really know at what stage boys started having a bigger purpose in our lives, but till college their purpose was restricted to making boring applied mechanics and maths lectures interesting and giving us something to laugh and gossip about. However, that change did happen at some stage, suddenly every boy was looked upon as a prospective husband. The first date always had two parallel conversations – the physical conversation and the minds conversation.
Boy: “ I love staying home and reading”
Your Mind: “ Oh God he is so boring, I love to party, I cant stay home reading books all my life”.
If on the other hand, the date is going well
Boy: “ I am thinking of taking a transfer to USA soon”
Your Mind: “Oh! Super, the kids could have a great education there and we could buy a lovely house by the beach (Yes, the mind has already got married, bought a house and even had 2 kids)”.
These dates have culminated in marriage for some - congratulations to them, but there are still a few of my closest friends who are looking for the “best fit”.
There are three in particular – Anu, Maniket and Adi (all pet names), whose weddings I really want to attend and soon.
Anu has been a loyal friend for years now, she has never forgotten my birthday in as many years. She is an eternal optimist, who will find a reason to smile and laugh through the toughest of times. She radiates love kindness and warmth and draws out the same in you. To add to all this, she has a lovely family, that makes anyone feel at home. Her family includes a very funny and entertaining brother, so hanging out at Anu’s place becomes double the fun.
Manikketh is pure unadulterated fun. Her presence could light up a dungeon. She brings wit, humour and fun to the most boring of tasks (namely our MBA assignments).
She is a beautiful girl with earthy looks complimented by her dusky colour, no inhibitions and yet her feet are firmly planted in the ground while her hair flirts with the air.
Adi is a restless soul, on a never ending quest for learning. She is an MBA, a topper, a national level TT player, has a great job, innumerable friends and yet she isn’t satisfied. She wants so much out of life, and there could not be anyone more deserving. She has an infectious laugh and gentleness about her. She is a darling, you can’t know her and not love her and I love her to bits.
(I am tempted to put their pics but I know I will be killed for doing it.)
Seeking handsome, intelligent, well educated, confident and well deserving grooms with handsome pay packages to match for these lovely ladies.

What can I do?

It has been about 10 days since the Mumbai tragedy, and I am trying to move on. However that is easier said than done since this whole episode has had a deep impact on me, just as it has had on most Indians. While the media, the politicians and even Bollywood are all busy making their statements and playing the blame game there is just one question on my mind “what can I do?”

As soon as I think about this my imagination goes into overdrive and I can picture myself in black from head to toe, leading an NSG team with an AK47 in my hand, bringing down terrorist camps. I can almost see myself making national headlines when suddenly I realise that the NSG is not an option for me. This brings me back to the question “what can I do?”

After a lot of thinking and reading and thinking I think I know what I need to do.

The last few days have made me face one reality “the impermanence of life”. In these turbulent times none of us know how much time we have left and what the future holds for us. We have such little time on this beautiful planet, such little time as human beings, such little time to love, give, and create value. So here is what I can and will do

I am going to live each day as if it were my last.

I am going to smile more.

I am going try and bring a smile on the face of every person I meet.

I am going to complain less.

I am going to appreciate more.

I am going to make everyone feel that there is something good and beautiful in everything.

I am going to learn more everyday.

I am going to teach more everyday.

I am going to forget any mistakes of the past and press forward to great achievements in the future.

I am going to talk health, happiness and hope to every person I meet.

I am going to think only the best and work towards doing and expecting the best.

I am going to touch as many lives as I can.

I am going to create as much value as I can.

So that when I am faced with the impermanence of my life, I will feel content knowing that I have given hope, love, inspiration, warmth, kindness, joy and smiles to all those I know. Knowing that I have made a difference even if just in one person’s life.

India Shining or India Burning?

I was woken up by the sound of gun shots, screams and animated voices, I woke up startled only to realise that it was the news on my television. I heaved a sigh of relief, but that relief was only short lived, for one naïve moment while sitting cozy in my bed I thought “I am safe” but am I really?
Just a month back I was in Mumbai living in the same area and having meals in Leopold café, it could just as well have been me. Things that I had only seen in movies – hijacks, hostages, terror plots, guns and terrorists are becoming more and more real, they are becoming a palpable tangible reality – too close for comfort.
In the past few months there have been so many bomb blast’s and attacks that no one can feel safe.
It is saddening to see the actions of a few misled individuals having such widespread repercussions. Schools and colleges are shut, exams cancelled, the stock exchange is shut, cricket matches cancelled and life has come to a standstill. Foreigners have been targeted, taken hostage and killed – will India still be able to attract business and tourists.
Such widespread destruction such senseless killing for what? The terrorist who spoke to television channels did not even know the answer to “what are your demands”. This question from the TV channel was followed by a long silence. Then what drives these people and what do they achieve from doing this? How can one person kill so many innocent people and not feel anything.
Nothing at all justifies this attack.

Page 3 life - not easy

I look forward to the beginning of each new month, for each new month brings with it new issues of my favourite magazines, filled with glamour, gossip and glitz. How they manage to churn out those glamorous glossies, filled with pages and pages of equally glamorous subjects each month amazes me. Call me vain or whatever but I won’t shy away from accepting that ‘I am loving it’.

After months of in depth study of all these magazines every morning over my pot there are a few observations I have made. Just as every locality/ college has this set of people who everyone likes to talk and be around, every city also has this set. The difference being that the college set is talked about in the canteen while the city set is talked about on page 3 of the newspapers. If you are part of this set in a big city you become part of this different fraternity – the big league. Every magazine every paper wants a peek into your life – what you eat, where you live, what you wear when you sleep, just anything will do.

Getting into this league is not an easy task you need to be seen with the right people at the right places at the right time in the right designer clothes complimented by the ‘it’ accessories of the season, phew! And you thought it’s easy.
If I were in their place each invitation would equal a nervous breakdown. Imagine knowing that going for any event equals being scrutinised for any imperfections by the entire nation.

They must need huge wardrobe spaces and bigger bank balances to keep their image intact. Being seen in the same outfit at more than one party is a crime and the offender has hell to pay however two people wearing the same outfit – that is a crime for which only capital punishment is befitting. So when these women buy clothes they pay not just for the design and brand but also for the exclusivity. Just like Shah Jahan cut off the hands of those who built the Taj Mahal, these designers are paid to never recreate and sell the same piece of haute couture, at least in the same country. No diva wants to be on the ‘who wore it better poll’ of any magazine, with fashion illiterate people voting, showing absolutely no regard for her jimmy choo’s and armani’s.

There are days, typically the beginning of the month when I dream about being in one of these magazines looking glamorous and immaculate from head to toe. I make resolutions to hit the gym every day and look my best always. And then there are days typically the end of the month when I tell myself that being a diva is too much hard work. However there is one question that keeps me up at night – what do they do with all the gorgeous clothes and accessories which cannot be repeated by them?